她那一向溫柔體貼的女兒突然大哭了起來(lái)。“媽媽，別再說(shuō)了。”她請(qǐng)求道，“你一定知道這是多么傷人?！?/p>

她母親犀利地看了看她：“別為你的情緒責(zé)怪我，親愛(ài)的，你不是也說(shuō)過(guò)嗎，應(yīng)該為自己的感受負(fù)責(zé)?！?/p>

“不，”突然間，我的朋友似乎悟到了什么，那或許是她生命中最重要的覺(jué)悟，“如果別人是有意去傷害你，那句話就不適用。”

我是每個(gè)欺凌弱小者的盤中餐，我總是能像蜂蜜吸引蜜蜂一樣吸引各色愛(ài)欺負(fù)人的家伙。面對(duì)攻擊，我好像毫無(wú)抵抗力。

每次別人故意攻擊我的時(shí)候，不管是語(yǔ)言上的還是身體上的，我都會(huì)哭鼻子，完完全全地向恥辱投降，讓那些人得逞。

我是多么痛恨自己如此懦弱！痛恨自己不能站起來(lái)反抗，這讓我感到深深地羞愧。

那時(shí)，天真的我并沒(méi)有認(rèn)識(shí)到，在你原本以為會(huì)找到友誼的地方發(fā)現(xiàn)殘酷，或是在你信任他人的時(shí)候卻發(fā)現(xiàn)虛偽時(shí)，感覺(jué)到委屈并不代表著軟弱。

后來(lái)，我逐漸發(fā)覺(jué)，這種特殊的痛苦感并非僅是我對(duì)個(gè)人經(jīng)歷的體驗(yàn)，當(dāng)面對(duì)諸多人類不公時(shí)――小動(dòng)物被虐待的故事、毫無(wú)緣由的暴力事件、大屠殺的紀(jì)錄片、現(xiàn)代戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)的暴行――我能感受到同樣的哽咽和酸楚。

然而，我所為之悲慟的，并非受害者，他們的靈魂并沒(méi)有被惡魔占據(jù)。我的悲慟，是為那些誤導(dǎo)無(wú)辜者的人們，他們有意讓自己失去了生命中唯一有價(jià)值的東西，失去了唯一能給生命賦予價(jià)值的東西。

他們讓自己否定和遠(yuǎn)離了作為一個(gè)人所應(yīng)該體驗(yàn)到的善良和美好。對(duì)他們而言，無(wú)所謂希望，也無(wú)從拯救。

如今，當(dāng)我的眼淚為他們而流時(shí)，我已不再感到羞愧。

With marital breakdown and single parenthood increasing, step-families are becoming more and more common. Such relationships are never easy. Indeed, the worst mistake people make is to pretend they are.

Having witnessed first-hand the powerful emotions ruling the responses of those involved in family arrangements not of their choosing, I can’t help noting, with interest that women who have a family and re-marry tend to be apologetic to their new partner for saddling him with another man’s issue; whereas a man with a family is much more likely to be apologetic towards his progeny for replacing their mother in his affections.

In the first instance, children are made to feel that they are an undesired, undesirable appendage; in the other, the children appoint themselves critical, resentful judges of their father’s choice. Neither is conducive to harmonious co-existence, or a healthy psychological climate.

We all need the family as a comfortable and secure base camp: a place to prepare for life’s battles and recover in between campaigns.

All members of a troop have an equal right to its facilities. So let’s forget about apologizing. Support each other, irrespective of blood ties, the way no one else will.

A man I know is a troubled soul. Mid-life, he had a breakdown. In therapy he was told to make a list of things he felt he couldn’t cope with, and overleaf, write down what he most enjoyed.

“Well done,” said the therapist, as he handed in his list. “That’s the bulk of your work done. All that remains is for you to decide what you want to do about all these.”

He started by saying good-bye to the things he didn’t favour: wife, children, elderly father, drooling dog. The family home he sold at a handsome profit, which allowed him to pay off both wife and hefty mortgage.

His job was next in line: early retirement on the grounds of ill health. Then he went to live in a small apartment in Torremolinos, where he could indulge, all year round, in the two items on his list of preference: golf and windsurfing.

If he wasn’t entirely happy, he was at least, at last, in therapeutic parlance, true to himself.

Two years later he was back in London receiving treatment for depression.