一天夜里，那個(gè)稍微小一些的孩子突然痛苦地哭了起來。

“我根本不想這樣，”她嗚咽著說，“是爸爸媽媽硬那樣規(guī)定的，但是，丹尼爾說，如果我不那么做的話他就再也不跟我說話了?！?/p>

“過來，”稍大一些的那個(gè)女孩輕蔑地說道，“你不會稀罕一個(gè)乳臭未干的小子的?！?/p>

她的話似乎并沒有讓小女孩兒平靜下來，小女孩伸出手拿起了手機(jī)，似乎作出了一個(gè)很重要的決定般撥通了電話，自語道：“我要給丹尼爾打電話?！?/p>

她娃娃般的聲音中透著緊張和哽咽:“嗨，丹尼爾，是我。我感到糟糕極了。沒人告訴我事情會變成這樣……就好像我真的做了什么可怕的事一樣……一件再也無法挽回的事。我不知道自己該怎樣面對……我似乎應(yīng)付不來……丹尼爾，我好怕?！?/p>

當(dāng)她停下來準(zhǔn)備聽丹尼爾怎么回應(yīng)時(shí)，我想我們都想知道電話的那頭會如何回應(yīng)?！芭?，是嗎？”我們聽到女孩兒說，“哦，那好吧，咱們再聊?！?/p>

她放下電話，愣愣地發(fā)著呆，看起來像個(gè)十足的孩子。她的朋友不耐煩了，問道:“丹尼爾到底說什么了？”

過了一會兒，小女孩兒才回答說:“他說他剛理了個(gè)新發(fā)型。”

From the moment our children are born, we as parents want to give them our best. Shower them with love, wrap them in security, feed and comfort them, respond to all their needs.

For how long should we be doing this  Is there ever a case for not heeding their cries  Being in a position to alleviate their distress, or, quite simply, to make them happy, why on earth shouldn’t we  If nothing else, a prompt response eliminates a lot of friction.

Never mind if the children are deprived of a chance to explore their hidden resources through longing, yearning, dreaming of things they cannot have. Of the supreme satisfaction of finally obtaining something long coveted.

But imagine being the child of parents who have allowed this pattern to continue: Entering the adult world only to find that it does not cater to your every need but is full of individuals likewise deluded into thinking they come first…

Imagine seeing your relationships fail because all they are based on is want. Because you have never been taught the art of renouncing your own demands for the sake of another…

Insistence on relief the minute a need arises is as bad as any addiction. Training children to survive unaided ? physically, emotionally, socially ? is a duty all parents owe their offspring. And the earlier it starts the better.

Would you be one of those who go through life apologizing to your parents for being what you are or, rather, for not being what they had hoped for 

If so, you are the victim of an artful, not uncommon, form of parental manipulation. Nothing is easier for a mother, or father or, in extreme cases, both, than instilling a sense that the offspring does not measure up to expectation.

It suits their purposes ideally: augments their ability to exert control, lessens the risk of misbehaviour and, not least, ensures continual efforts on behalf of the child to win the approval otherwise withheld.

If this hold can be maintained into adult age, the advantage grows in proportion, often transferring to the new young family, who will live in awe of in-laws and grandparents.

As they get elderly and more dependent, such parents step up their demands, making son or daughter dance attendance,terrified of doing anything to displease. Still no effort will ever be sufficient to make up for disappointing them.

Only death will break the fetters of this carefully devised entrapment. And the parents will go to their grave never having received the gift of their child’s true affection.

Like most seven-year-olds, I adored my first teacher, seeing her as infinitely superior in her elevated position of authority, appointed to dispel the darkness of our ignorance.